Lipat Bahay

The looooooong intervals between my blog posts are starting to annoy me. So I'm blogging now for the sake of blogging (which is totally non-sense). I know I've spilled too much emotions into this blog, not to mention filled every tiny space of this digital paper with ridiculous rantings about my mediocre life (like people would care). My boyfriend offered to create a website for me so I can finally say that the web space is MINE (ha-ha!), so I'm beginning to tidy up bit by bit and start sorting out what goes to "Blissful Savagery" and what should not.

So stoked! :)

PS: Wow, is that the first SMILEY to ever be typed in this blog?!?

Chasing Liberty

I know, it’s a corny title. It happened to be the first words that came to mind when I was thinking about blogging today. It has a pretty deep meaning, though.

I’m going to start off by stating a very well-known, very widely-accepted fact of life: We ALL have dreams. If you don’t agree with me then I’m guessing you are from another planet (but who knows, maybe aliens have dreams too). Yep, we have dreams and we want to make them happen. It’s that simple. That freakin’ simple. So I just don’t get it why some people are trying to dampen your spirits. When you want something and you want to put all your efforts to make these things work, someone comes along to throw a bucketful of water at you and crush your ambitions to bits. Ouch.

I know it’s painful. But what makes it all the more excruciating is when these people happen to be the closest to you. People who are supposed to stand by you during tough times. People who vowed to put your best interests above everything else. People who are supposed to care for you and keep you motivated [?] Like, your parents maybe.

Yes, this blog is about them. And I’m putting this on digital paper because there’s no freaking’ way I’m going to be able to stand up and tell them how I feel. Everytime I try to voice out my thoughts, they would come up with a counterattack that is so inappropriate you just want to force it out of your brain. I try not to let their words eat me. But at some point, the words just gnaw at you and you find yourself defenseless. I remember I used to cry in my room whenever my dad would throw some really nasty remark at me. It’s been his habit. He sometimes talks to us like we’re filth in his shoes. I started to hate all the curse words I hear from him when I, unaware, spat them all out myself by accident. I regretted it a lot because I never wanted to be like him in any way.

It’s been 10 years and pretty much nothing has changed at home. I am 25 years-old now and my friends would make fun of me because I still can’t make decisions for myself. It sucks bigtime. It’s not that I CAN’T make decisions, they just wouldn’t let me. At least without a huge fight. Like today, we had a row about work and me having a vacation. I’ve been working part time as an insurance agent for almost 2 years now, and as much as I want to take this job fulltime, they wouldn’t let me. Because they need me to have a steady flow of income so I can provide for them. Thing is, I WANT TO GIVE THIS JOB A TRY, and I know I’m going to be good at it.

And then there’s this vacation at Puerto Galera. I badly need this vacation! I’ve been so stressed out with work and I freakin’ deserve a break! And the place is just a few hours away, for goodness sake! A very inconsequential matter that spawned a nasty argument.

I hate these nonsensical arguments. I hate having to justify my actions all the time. I hate having to put up with their selfishness. I just want to be HAPPY—happy to do the things that I want. To travel to many places, to have a fulfilling job together with people who REALLY care about my growth, to experience so much in life no matter how bitter or sweet they’d be, to go out and have fun with friends, to love and be loved, to be free to do all these things without a heavy heart.

I wish they’d understand. I wish someday, they’d feel for me.

When being Happy is as easy as “1-to-10”

I know, and a lot of people would definitely agree, that I’m just not the happiest person in the world. I remember telling a friend that exact same line once over bottles of beer. But truth be told, as what I said back then, though I admit I’m not exactly too optimistic about things, I’m always trying to be. Yep, I’m not happy but I’m damn trying to be.

And I can say I’m pretty much doing a great job! I know that you, my friends, would probably be thinking now how utterly pretentious of me to be writing this stuff. But hey, I’m doing you fucktards a favor!!! And I’m not pretending, I really am shifting views.

So how to substantiate my claim of “trying to be happy”? Here are some of the ways. If you’re feeling depressed about almost everything in your life now, try one of these. I guarantee, it could help you.

1. Change of scenery. If you are the type who, when gripped by a strong wave of loneliness, wanders off along dark alleys picking fights with random strangers, then you seriously need to consider this. Surround yourself with friends who care about how you feel and wouldn’t put up with your silly habits. Be someplace where there’s a lot of sun and greens and happy people singing songs and bunny-hopping (no, that's not a scene from “The Sound of Music”).

2. Listen to happy music. Depressing music will only make you feel all the more depressed, and wallowing to self-pity will not do you any good. Soak up on some feel-good tunes, like those old records your dad listens to when you’re driving out-of-town. House music wouldn’t hurt either (not that I enjoy it but these sounds could help take your mind off serious stuff—because they rarely are SERIOUS).

3. Look fab. And not in a mirrorwhoring way. Try this: After shower, take time sprucing up yourself. Put on real make-up (but don’t overdo it of course) and don’t feel bad if it’s taking up too much time. Go over each step ceremoniously and go all the way down to every detail of your face. It also wouldn’t hurt to smarten up your locks a little bit. Then afterwards, smile in the mirror and feel genuinely good about yourself. And don’t forget to tell yourself that you are beautiful (no matter how ridiculous it sounds).

4. Eat like there’s no tomorrow. Really, would you ever have the strength to say no to a lip-smacking cup of gelato? Or a serving of red velvet cake? Or a mouthwatering slice of pizza? I doubt it, not a chance. So forget about your diet or your slimming regimen. Gorge to your heart’s delight! Food can work wonders for your mood in ways no amount of psychology or nutrition could ever comprehend.

5. Swallow pride. I know this could be extremely difficult for some. But we know pretty well that pride can be as destructive as a nuclear weapon. There are lot of things that could bring you down, so try not to be swept away by too much pride and anger. If you have an unresolved argument with a friend or a family member, be the first one to reach out and apologize. You could already be carrying a load of emotions so it’s just as right to release yourself from the burden.

6. Give and receive little. This could be translated to “STOP BEING A SELFISH BASTARD”. It sucks when you keep tabs on every single favor you do for people in hopes of getting as much in return. Give, and if you can help it, try not to ask anything back. And be sincere about it. Just take good look at the people who benefitted from your kindness. The smiles on their faces should be enough for you.

7. Close the distance. Learn to reach out to people. They may have disparate views about the world but that doesn’t mean they don’t have anything nice to say. Be a little more sociable and don’t be afraid to open yourself up during conversations. Believe me, you’ll be surprised about how little stuff about the world you knew and how much you’d probably be gaining out of these talks.

8. Talk a lot. Yes, don’t be afraid of being overly chatty. Don’t worry about monopolizing the conversation. Just go on and release whatever emotion that’s being kept inside you. Talk about anything you feel like talking about—your dog, the music you listen to, the ginormous serving of pudding you had for dessert—and try not to be concerned about whether or not the person you’re talking to is interested.

9. Show some love. Be an advocate of L-O-V-E (not in a lecherous way, of course). Consider this as an act of charity. Volunteer to drive your little brother to school, and give him a peck on the cheek despite him being a total tard. Pour buckets of compliments and praises to people whom you feel are having a really tough day. Treat your bestfriend to lunch or dinner and be the first to say “thank you”. I don’t want to sound overly cheesy now but, hey, what’s there to lose?

10. Pray. Yep, nothing beats having a good, long talk with the one source of extreme, over-the-edge happiness—God. Everything that keeps you from achieving a life full of happiness should be dealt with accordingly. And he definitely gets all the work done faster than a speeding bullet. No questions asked.