Thursday, September 16, 2010

Caught in a Chase


Has anyone you know ever been "sheeped"?

I tried to look up the meaning of the word in the Internet, and this is what I got:

1. To send email from another user's account, notifying the world that this person has broken computer security policy by walking away from their computer and left it unlocked.
2. Usually used in the game World Of Warcraft.
3. A take on the phrase "Pulling the wool over his/her eyes", meaning that you might as well have a whole sheep because you are lying or bluffing so much.

...And a whole lot of crap. But nothing really came close to what I had in mind when I was reading Murakami's "A Wild Sheep Chase". And after reading it, these weird images start creeping inside my mind. For one, I came close to the point when I'm starting to question my own sanity. Like I've been quite unhinged for a while. And who wouldn't? It's like your whole world was plunged into chaos and no matter what you do, you can't rub the feeling off. And I never wanted to admit I'm living a mediocre life after all. But after reading this, well...maybe I am. So I'm desperate to get into the chase for this sheep.

So, in my own words, I pluck out a meaning for the word.
sheeped: (adj) to be in a state of total mental mayhem, that of being sheep-like (like when you suddenly felt the urge to buy a woolen sweater)

OK, enough of this crap.

"A Wild Sheep Chase"is a mock-detective novel where names are of zero importance. Not a single character in the story had a name. Except for Kipper, the cat. They do have names of course, only they weren't actually identified in the book. So this guy is practically living a very normal life, or to borrow words from the book, a very "mediocre existence". He runs his own advertising company with a colleague, and then a few years later he and his wife got divorced. Then he meets a girl who's got seductive ears that, as he says, improves sex a thousand times.

But one day, he and his girlfriend get caught up in this serious business of one called "the Boss", a powerful right-wing politico, all because of a photograph of a sheep his friend "the Rat" gave him. Then he meets a weirdo in a sheep outfit who talks without pausing. Apparently, the sheep is no ordinary one; it's a lot bigger than the common breed, with a white face and a star-shaped mark on its behind (see book cover). This sheep was said to be the one that entered Genghis Khan, and to be made a host for this sheep means an unparalleled honor. Or so they say. So the sheep enters your body and he finds a healthy pasture inside you. Then you suddenly possess power beyond anything else. But when the sheep leaves your body, you'll be one useless, disgusting heap of garbage.

It's basically a tale of possession; a person becomes possessed by the sheep and he attains power beyond anyone's grasp. The sheep feeds on this "power" and you become its tool; when the sheep is inside you, you lose all hold on yourself. Simple: the sheep gives you power and then you give yourself to it in return.

I say this is one of Murakami's best. The profound, complex plot compensates with the simplicity of the characters. And you can even read it on the train! Easy-peasy! The suspense builds up fast, too, and you'll find yourself gripped by the chilling, eerie atmosphere at the end of the story. What should I say, the ending's spectacular! I was particularly struck by the ingenuity of the "sheep chase", with twists and turns you'd never really expect. In the end, I was actually "sheeped".

Turns out, I couldn't get over it. Maybe I should get myself some woolen sweater after all.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Solution

How often do I have to convince myself that taking my own life won't make me feel any better? Come on, think back on those days when you've reveled so much in your life you almost forgot that shit's happening. Recall those books you've read, the life-changing stories that moved you and made you swear never to hate your life again. Remember those valuable pieces of advice that you thought meaningless but later proved to be the only salvation in your otherwise painful existence. Try to enumerate the names of the people who'd be devastated once you've crossed that line.

Or simply, just think about what you'll be leaving behind. Stuff. More and more stuff. Stuff you actually never thought you can't live without. Stuff that mean so much to you. Think, think, think.

Thing is, I just think this is pointless, to force myself into believing that these things make sense. They just don't.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Ode to the Girl on Fire (and the symbolic end of a craze)



"I no longer feel any allegiance to these monsters called human beings, despise being one myself… Because something is significantly wrong with a creature that sacrifices its children’s lives to settle its differences." - Katniss Everdeen, Mockingjay

I know, right. It’s not easy being a kid in a world like our own. Even if it doesn’t exactly mirror the condition of which Panem citizens, particularly the district people, are living in. For all we know, circumstances may lead to it, and, being the barbarians that we are, it wouldn’t be much too long before someone realizes that people need to be coerced. And the people who possess the power will only have their greed, their insatiability, their self-indulgence overcome whatever sanity and reason that’s left in their tiny, money-driven heads. Much, much too soon. And the children are the ones who will have to suffer the consequences.

This is the reality the Hunger Games trilogy wanted us to see.

However, I’m not going to tell you what exactly happened in Mockingjay since a lot of the fans out there aren’t done reading the book yet, and I don’t wanna be chastised, or worse, be skinned alive for spoiling the suspense. Let me just tell you how I, for that matter, relate to the story.

OK so right now I’m coping with Mockingjay withdrawal symptoms, and I’m really having a hard time trying to concentrate on something that would take my mind off it. The thing is, this has always been a problem, me getting so attached to a novel and finding it really hard to move on after I’ve finished reading. I’m thrown into the same scenario all the time: Three days to read the book and a week or two to mull over it. Days of deprivation and half-hearted responses to the friends and workmates who engage me in conversation. Several moments of being caught lost in thought, trying to put words to that weird feeling of abandonment consuming me.

You might think I’m overreacting. Yeah well, I wish I am. I remember as if it was just yesterday how I cried really hard after finishing the last Harry Potter book. I mean, come on, I started reading Harry Potter since I was 12 and had been truly devoted to the series ever since. I practically grew up with Harry; he was my own paper-and-pen twin brother. So when the series finally came to an end, the sadness was just so overwhelming. I felt empty and useless and miserable. It’s like the end of the world for me, you know, that feeling of not having anything to look forward to anymore. And how you’d feel alone during the wee hours of the morning because there is no 600-page novel to keep you company and to spend all your sleepless nights with. Yep, painful.

It’s basically just the same with Mockingjay, though I started reading Hunger Games just over a year ago. I wasn’t a fan of dystopian literature because I used to have this general impression that dystopian novels are the easiest to write since you can put in virtually anything you want—from flying bulldozers, hybrid animals to tie-dyed human beings—and get away with it just like that. Readers would get mystified and wouldn’t care much about the story anymore. But the Hunger Games trilogy is an exception. For me it’s not just a dystopian novel but a mirror image of what the world could possibly look like in the not-so-distant future. Katniss Everdeen is likewise the very reflection of myself—a girl who was thrown mercilessly into the world and subjected to the harsh tests of life.

I used to be a Katniss Everdeen in my own little world, battling endlessly with all the shit life was throwing at me. At a very early age, I learned that life can be cruel and I had no choice but to suck it up. So much for the drama. What I’m trying to say is that now I’m done with Mockingjay, I feel more alone than ever. I just lost a paper-and-pen twin sister who’s just survived a bloody war in her world.

Now I’m left to deal with my own misery. And the bigger games are just about to begin.